She reported that she never intended to be sleeping next to her son for years when she allowed him to sleep with her and her husband six years ago at a weak moment. Most people would agree that allowing a 10 or 11-year-old child to sleep with a parent of the opposite sex is wrong or somehow taboo in todays world. The next day you can tell he is exhausted, and looks very nervous and panicky. I am assuming that I will be invited to the wedding out of politeness, but I am not sure. Shannon Lambert co-slept with her eight-year-old son until he was almost seven. They just turned 6. The armchair psychologists speak as if they are experts in the human condition. He does not come into our room in the middle of the night. So youre co sleeping for selfish reasons. He is just used to and comfortable with going to sleep w Mommy while we are home. And the people on here saying youre jealous or just a damn step mother sound like crunchy, crazy bitter ex wives.its not fair to you to have an adolescent boy in your bed, its weird. Pamela W. adds that you should not use your child to replace having a partner in bed: "you may want to consider what it may mean for YOUR dependency on his company in bed, and go from there in whatever choice you make. Thats my opinion. When Your Child Sleeps in Your Bed - Parents She cant get a job now and has never held a job for long. My parents were hard workers and we were disciplined at a very young age to help out around the house , as needed, where it was needed. I knew he was ok. I know of a mother whos husband and mother had lots of incest in their family and thought it was OK to have an affair with the mothers mother. Fact: you are not. It is an invasion of privacy. When are Kids Too Old to Sleep with Mom and Dad? Now the youngest is having sleep issues & gets up at all hrs of the night, sometimes refusing to go to slerp at all. I threatened to break up with him if this continues, he swears he will sleep on the couch which I believe he will but the whole idea of her wanting to sleep where we have sex is just wrong to me. I believed lies, so i was hopeful trying to stay strong. Unfortunately, my brother does not seem to be interested in having any kind of relationship with me or my half-sister, to whom I am very close (and who is his full sister). Its just weird and not normal. Stay with them until they fall back asleep in their Bed, Forming good habit or forming bad habits As her grandmother, it is very hard to get her to come do things with me unless mommy is there. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Your daughter will seem very mature one day and then silly and giggly the next. Left An right I been falsely slandered on an unheard. What if your child has or goes on sleep-over, goes to camp, or goes on a trip with a friends family??? He instantly got all defensive an replied back saying (what do you think ppl will think) you an I are the only ones that watch her. Please help me decide what to do, my mom and dad still makes me sleep with them and Im thirteen I keep hiding my erecting think.i tried my best explaining them still the want me to sleep with them.please somebody help. Here are some initial steps for parents: Kate Roberts, Ph.D., is a consulting school psychologist and former professor of psychiatry at Brown University. I come home to him saying our daughter killed the kitten. When my dad was home though I would almost always sleep in bed with him, anytime he was around really I basically attached myself to his hip lol. Any suggestions? She stopped after the birth of her third child because there was no room in the bed. The level of judgement from people on this topic is disgusting me; How easy it is for people to judge. And what kind of step mother are you to call the 11 year olds bed stinky??? I feel that I am independent to a degree and dont find it a problem . Sorry to add more, but I forgot to add this.. she is NOT able to sleep with her mom and her moms boyfriend because she is too old, and also has to do dishes, sweep, and do other chores at her moms, as well as her little brother I just dont get why her dad is this way?!? Is your child still sleeping with a teddy bear at 16? Mr. Lieberman is correct, there isn't a law preventing a father from sleeping in the same bed as a child, but your motion will require yor ex-husband to provide a valid explanation for the behavior. I used to call him daddy when its just us, but I had to try hard not to though when other people are around because of the kind of looks I get. Omg snuggle family wtf is wrong with you??? So, yes, you should have paidbecause you are the host. The bride and groom invited you, and you invited her, otherwise she wouldnt have gone to the wedding of someone she sometimes sees at her partners work events. Its not healthy. They saw I was naked, so they took their clothes off and climbed into bed with me and curled up with me and cuddled into my warm naked embrace and I could feel their warmth. I agree these kids dont know any other way and they wont change as they get older Not only is it considered normal for teens to sleep with a stuffed animal, there are even benefits to sleeping with a teddy bear at 16 or so. Every child needs different things. This not only cause arguments between us but puts my 16 year old out of her room with no where to sleep. Heres an edited transcript of this weeks chat. No one took my report. My girlfriend and I have always had an equitable relationship, where we split the cost of dates. I know someone today who has an 10 year old going on 11 and he must sleep with her every night and have her full attention 24/7. My daughter dealt with symptoms her own ped.doc that was mine as a kid never took seriously. Then do nothing. It took you a year and a half to get your child to potty and you think thats successful? Or keep my daughter for immediate danger that I filed with the court. Does the gender of the child matter? I think this basically 24 hours of togetherness is a bit unhealthy for the childs emotional and social development. At-home affection Shannon Lambert co-slept with her eight-year-old son until he was almost seven. Co-sleeping may have seemed like a good idea at one point, but over time its anything but restful and, in fact, it creates additional stress for the entire family. I lay on the floor until he falls asleep. She has already lost custody of her older son for indulging and not disciplining him and is devastated. I have an 10 year old son who has his own room and sleeps on his own most of the time. I think she is setting him up for huge failure. When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy - HealthBoards Join the live chat Mondays at noon. It can be helpful for your baby to sense you are near, so some moms sleep with their babys bed sheet before putting it in the crib. Its too bad you have to be the grown up in this situation, it should be their job to set healthy boundaries but you have yourself and your life to think about so just do that. They will grow up and be fine.. That isnt asking too much. 2 days ago. From the outside, it might seem creepy for mother and son, or father and daughter or even daughter and mother and father and son to be sharing a bed into the pre-teen or teenage years. I feel she never had the patience to train him to sleep in his own bed. Shell cry for her mommy and begs to go home but I will not give in. My husband, (his father) wound up sleeping in my sons bed. Made me have issues see I fell off the bed at very young age so I got smothered. Then part of me doesnt want to respond at all. Privacy, independence, sexuality (exploring their bodies, realizing their parents need their private intimate alone time) being able to COPE with being alone. 2 days ago, by Lindsay Kimble These are all from the parent side, to heard from the child side, I say no dont let them sleep with the parents after 5 years old. I see this situation with my sister and her almost 13 year old son. Around 24% believed that co sleeping shouldnt occur to begin with. Did I do something wrong? It will be times when your mom thinks youre asleep and she started masturbating and whether you realize it or not she is rubbing against you stuff like that happens my mom started to molest me I still actually attracted to her and Im 50 now and Im still sexually attracted to her, My gf 9 year old son always wakes us up in the middle of the night as she goes in his room to sleep with him. You need to do your own diligence to ensure the job or caregiver you choose is appropriate for your needs and complies with applicable laws. Telling the truth about how she violated your boundaries and how that affected you isnt reinforcing a stereotypeits just being honest. It stunted my social development and my sense of self-worth and identity. Can you spell denial? A childs anxiety, lower self-esteem, and dependency behaviors during the daytime are related to their inability to sleep alone at night. Even meals they attached to each other. But hurts deep down inside to even think about it. And cold..for not realizing the Dad misses his child as a fulltime parent, and the boy misses him. My father-in-law broke his arm and is sleeping in a recliner in the living room since the amroundndccident roughly a month and a half ago and then four days ago we found out that my wifes youngest sister was asked to abandon her own bed and bedroom and to sleep with her mother, which she was fully delighted to do. If there's a magic age at which kids should be in their own beds, moms can't agree on it. By about age two, Bennett was successfully sleeping on his own in his room. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Stop coddling their development, and act like a mature and intelligent person and understand that this indulgence needs to stop sooner or later. I could see if it was a one bedroom house and no other bed or bedroom existed, but at age 13 you cant sleep on your own you will never be independent and mature. No one sets out to co-sleep for life, but how do you break the habit? Hi Belinda. He has no problem sleeping away from me. His mother is his teacher at school this year too. I called her an I said nate said he is with you with my daughter an I dont appreciatethe patent alienationthat is happening. If someone had asked you as a child whether you wanted to sleep in the same bed as your mother, would you have said yes? When there is a sleep-over, how does a co-sleeping middle school child (11,12?) Her job with this piece was clearly to throw a cat amongst the pigeons and then move on the next quick easy target for thrills and pocket change. But, I do think its best to let familys bond in ways that are natural to them. Be honest with yourself about whatever that is, and then I think the best thing you can do is just tell your family. I found it disgusting, morbid, humiliating and so horrendous that now, at almost age 49, I am still shocked I was forced to do so. I sent him a get well card when he was recovering from surgery, and I have always commented encouraging things on his social media posts about his career and life accomplishments just to let him know that I love him and support him. HE IS 10. i am so sorry this happened to you. You are partly to be blamed for letting this happen. They get my undivided attention from when they pop outta mom till about 1-2 years of age, and thats that. But when? Oh my God! However, there are a couple of big problems, the first being that my husband is having surgery on Friday. Eating from his plate. You May Have Sleep Apnea. If so, how do I tell my mother that I have changed my mind about going? When you go to one of her friends weddings as her plus-one, she should pay for you. How will he survive in a world where you must meet and communicate with new people. So we co slept often so I could be aware of his status. We find him in bed with his mom every morning. While paying him back for any money he gave me. Its very expensive to fly into the closest airport. Thats what being a damn parent is about. I have a 9 1/2 year old step-daughter who won't sleep over our house. Photo illustration by Slate. I just think hell go when hes ready. Choosing to sleep with your child rather than your spouse or partner (on a regular basis) is teaching them that is healthy and normal. 9 out of 10 of his friends have or continue to cosleep. Had her own br, we had our br. Not to mention, destroy their confidence. Dont be. I said (did you bump your fn head) we literally just talked About this. I think that 12 is more or less the age in which a daughter shouldn't. sleep with her father any more. Just learned this and will not be allowing any more visits. The church was told to exile the man. But I really dont know what to do, should I say something? When should a parent stop bathing with their child? - MadeForMums If these two are really friends, they will be able to talk honestly and openly about how Anne needs to stop groping women; if this guy wants his friends to laugh off and excuse Annes behavior, then your husband is well out of an imbalanced friendship. Really? This was completely uncalled for and disrespectful of my grandmother, who was anti-gun. As their daughter grew older she struggled with severe codependency and still does. I feel completely torn. Camping or any overnight outside of the home is hard for him as he gets anxious about sleeping. Yup, it will last until she is 13, at which point she will be sleeping in bed with every 14 year old boy that she comes across. While it might be tempting to bring her into your bed for those last few hours of sleep after she wakes or feeds, she wont get why its OK at 4 a.m., but not midnight. Amara, I wonder how we got to a stage where no-one has a grasp of the English language anymore. We are not to let our children be that dividing line between our spouses. I dont know if her mother beats her (I assume not) but shes excessively anxious and dependent on her mother. Samantha! I was FORCED to share a bedroom AND the bed with my mother for many years after my parents divorced. To be honest 5 years old is the limit.. my son hadnt sleeped in the same room as me or his father since he was 1 an a half it is just wrong to let ur child sleep in the same room as u. Posted on Jul 27, 2011. This is old I know but this is my situation. Disclaimer: The information here is general and not intended to be construed as legal advice or form an attorney-client . These transitional objects can also help kids move from one life stage to another.. sleep without me, but I do think he has anxiety that is part of the problem and that he is basically afraid to sleep alone. He is a nervous wreck because he lacks the capability of a toddler to self soothe. Last yesr3i bought a bed w trundle and he and i fall asleep in his room. Soon Im sure he wont ever really do this again. Stopped by him putting me in body holds, cloths ripped off an choked. One other interesting piece of information that most experts on the topic miss is how the control or lack of control of children affects their disposition later in life. I agree with your statement. I dont know how it feels for the couple. Btw some of the most important conversations come at bedtime, when the child is relaxed, and getting things off their chest and talking life out. My husband and I have tried to discourage this. She got used to getting her way for so long that she grew up believing the world revolved around her. Kids grow up, theres nothing you can do to slow down the process. You can tell them, I expect youll have a lot of questions and that it might take a while to adjust. (I have no memory of what happened, fortunately.) How long the transition takes really depends on your kids temperament and how consistent you are as a parent. I want to address this with her grandma I find it so inappropriate that a grown man would allow this. When me and my younger siblings are around it makes all of us uncomfortable. My daughter crying screaming stop daddy. I wish my boyfriend will stop letting his soon to be 9yr old sleep with himI refuse to so I sleep on the couch while being 7months pregnant. I cant even imagine having my husband sleep somewhere else because my son wanted to sleep in our bed. Boyfriend has a 8 yr old son and I have 7yrold daughter (who sleeps by herself, in her own bed) but my boyfriend think its okay to allow his 8yr old son to sleep with us!! They need to get it. Your spot on Rita. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the discussion. I had a friend who was wondering if this was wrong or right, decided to surf the net and see what other parents and docs say. I grew up with a lot of love and affection from my parents and I knew with all my heart they loved me. There are two stages of sleep; 1) REM sleep (rapid-eye movement), and 2) NREM sleep (non-rapid-eye movement). The more students focus on test scores, the less creative they become. I refuse to let him live with us after high school. Eventually you get to an age where you realize that isnt the case. It may also be helpful to reach out to a sleep consultant who can help you come up with a sleep training plan that youre comfortable with. Their bedtime is 8:30. The scenario: Your child's bedtime is 8:30 p.m. What about 9.5? The funeral is set for this weekend in a different state. Finally, a logical and sensible comment. But its nice for us to get a little time for me to hug him close. Every family has a different arrangement and set up in place. I also dont think it is healthy to keep interrupting his sleep every night to move to his own bed. lol. Get parenting news, expert advice, info on secret sales, discounts and the best-ever products. And before you say, yes my son is now seeing a therapist. On the ski fields, them two can ski alone together for many hours before he realizes he hasnt seen me for over 3 hrs. Trachtenberg, Sutton, Hawks and Schapiro all agree that stuffed animals can all help alleviate anxiety. Parents who co-sleep with their children report that they have no idea how they got to the point where their beds are consistently occupied by both children and adults. Its no wonder so many married couples get divorced or end up estranged when their children grow up and leave home home. Your kids matter too and clearly he doesnt care about them. In the long run, the child may pay by becoming overly dependent on the parent and have greater difficulty in adjusting to any kind of change. Kids need to learn how to comfort themselves and get to sleep on their own or they will always be dependent on someone else for those things comfort and sleep. Ask him (in a little while, once the original round of congratulations on your engagement is out of the way) if hes available to talk to you about something thats been on your mind and then tell him what you told methat youre not looking to keep tabs on whos getting what for their birthday, but you often try to find ways to let him know you love him and are thinking of him, and you sometimes feel like if you didnt initiate contact youd never hear from him again, and you miss your old closeness. Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR (3327) to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show. She became manipulative and would constantly try to play each parent against the other. Why on Earth would anyone put a 13 year old girl and 15 year old boy in the same room? I never seen him watch porn or watch it with him. A study out of the University of Michigan showed that children who slept with their parents beyond the age of 2 many into the preteen years, were developmentally stunted and even faced years and years of sleep issues later in life. Others may use them as a coping strategy when dealing with life stressors. I think they just didnt want to sleep with each other, which is fine, but I was the one who suffered for it because they didnt want to change or get used to even a small thing for my benefit. What are your thoughts on a mother who will not provide a bed for her 10 year old son. Life is easier and more fulfilling for children who can cope in these two ways. Anne has told us before that her brash, loud, and aggressive nature has not always been welcome with women in our small town, but I didnt think much of it, until my husband left us for a few minutes and Anne reached out and sort of smacked the top of one of my breasts. We are a snuggle family. One would assume that coupling sweeping argumentative statements with a smattering of recognisable industry bodies would suffice DeBora? My daughter is going to have a tough time ending this with my granddaughter. I just recently found out that my 55 year old mother-in-law has been sharing her bed with her adult 20 year old daughter for the last month and a half and I am completely weirded out by it. On my 4 hrs shifts,( 4 different times) & situations. He tell her for my ears only. Well hopefully he will concentrate on grammar and spelling instead? It does mentally affect a child. Stop trying to keep them tied to your apron strings because you are needy. Well the ideal age for a father to stop bathing a girl child is 12 yrs.Because from 12yrs and above the girl child begins to attain puberty and it's most tyms easier for the girl child to chat up her mom than her dad because the physical features which the mom has is . My friends now ex-husband is battling cancer and she fears what might become of her daughter if or when he passes away. There was absolutely no abuse going on under our roof. OMG Melinda seriously !!! I am lonely. Also Im sorry if this is a double post, it didnt seem as though the last one got posted. Has major hatred for women. The National Institutes of Health recommend about 7-9 hours of sleep each night for older, school-aged children, teens, and most average adults; 10-12 for preschool-aged children; and 16-18 hours for newborns. And share her bed to watch a movie?? Whether you try the Ferber method, let your baby cry it out or use a more gradual method like sitting in the room in a chair and slowly moving the chair out of the room over several nights, sleep training teaches your baby to fall asleep independently. It was questionable long time ago, but now i truly believe in prayer an God watching over an the signs I cant ignore like every one else. These comments all humor me because hardly none are from the child so heres my story- Im 29 and my parents were always considered by others mine and my brothers friend and not parent. Its been a revelation in a lot of ways. They are pro-life but said they would support me regardless of what I chosethey would come with me to the appointments and not condemn me, or they would support me if I decided to keep it. I suspect my sister keeps my niece on drugs to make sure she is always needed and my niece will never leave or be able to leave. When you cross that line, anything and everything can happen. Did you know that it has been found that the most important factor in successful education for a child is the level of interest and care of the teacher? He said she was up walking around an Im putting her back to sleep. I want the girls to not be screwed up, and I dont know if I am contributing to that by stopping this or letting this continue. I also told him to either set her room up and get her a bed or tell her she can visit on his weekends but cannot sleep over until she has her own bed. My brother and I slept in my parents room until probably 11 or 12. "Tweens and teens often continue to sleep with a stuffed animal or favorite childhood blanket, as it brings comfort and helps relax them to sleep as it did in younger years." ASMR videos are very popular and may help some people with insomnia. She was very insecure an dressed Gothic her parents were both addicts didnt work jobs. I cant really just block them out of my life, they are my wifes family. Is the Claim Legit? Our son does have boundary issues in my opinion and is severely dependent on his mother. Or on a trip with a friend? He worked full time I still payed for every thing we needed.