My issues began with menopause. Are these judgemental people as concerned now, about how incredibly unhappy you are ? Its a terrible problem really. Youd think if I was wanting sex bad enough that I could just push this anxiety aside, but I cant! Some common signs include: restlessness body tension frequent sexual thoughts and fantasies Frustration and repression occasionally play off each other. I have even spent the past 5 years secretly drinking in the evenings in hope that a strong buzz will relieve my anxieties and help me get the job done. Perhaps separating from the other is best so that they do not suffer. Ironically our personalities make it fairly easy..in fact he is more patient with my signs of anxiety than I am with any aspects of his personality that make me uncomfortable. Three months later, I experienced my first aversion towards her. Does she equate sex with negative experiences? Every month I go through the same thing, over and over and over. I dont want to hug, and I certainly am not going to kiss you. On my wedding night (I was a virgen), I vomited when we got back to the hotel. Please feel free to browse our thousands of mental health and therapy-related articles. It was hard for him to accept that I didnt need or want sex for myself anymore. No way I could be in a relationship not that I can imagine anyway. I feel that I do not want to ever have sex because I fear Gods punishment for this. Can anyone help explain this? I learned to avoid physical contact with him, because he was going to demand sex if I dared even hold his hand. I really like this guy and dont know how to solve this problem. I believe that a person should not have sex with an individual without being married. They may have had one or more experiences where sexual contact wasforced. Ive spent hours crying and trying to conjure up the courage to engage in sex. Then there was a trauma with my kids (one sexually assaulted the other in another) and I went into PTS. If only we all lived lives where every night could include the excitement and romance of our courtship and early marriage, but as we all know, life is not like that. AFTER THAT I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE SEX ANYMORE. My foot was not off the aircraft ten minutes when we discovered he was going to set back the vacation scheduals for hundreds because he wanted his three weeks the day I flew in. Nothing more. I just cant figure out how to get back to my normal self. I totally agree with you. stay single! I feel bad because I never want to have sex and dont initiate it unless I feel bad and I dont want my partner to feel like Im not attracted to them or dont like them. But for the most part I was never able to get hard with anybody! Im an older female and have noticed that thru the years I have discovered that I never really cared about sex much. I was treated like I was as important and worthwhile as an old picture on the wall. WebIn The Science Of The Art Of Psychotherapy, Allen Schore explains that disgust is an emotional state similar to feeling fear. WebMy guess is that you have such a low opinion of yourself (probably unfounded) that when someone see worth in you you automatically decide that they must not be good enough It makes me want to leave him, just so I wont have to have sex or let anyone touch me anymore, I wish this has was the case with my situation. What a relief. People with sexual aversion want to have normal healthy sexual relationships and may have in the past but are unable to now. Oh my gosh, you just explained my life!! No husband who is totally in love with their wife and emotionally available will 2. Now i am married almost 5 years and very happy and thankful to God. I feel that sometimes it is best to let go. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. My marriage was essentially sexless (because he wasnt attracted to my deformed post baby body and he didnt like me at all), it was like pity on me for him to even attempt bad sex with me. Have you considered talking to your wife? (2) I have been date raped multiple times (5), I have had to light a man on fire to get him off of me, I have also had to put a cigarette out on a man because he wouldnt let me go. The key is to find a way to discuss it with each other in a way that doesnt leave either of you feeling anger and guilt. It does help to know Im not the only one, though. I cannot stop him have his life but I cannot feel OK with someone who will hit the vodka and coke at 11am in the morning..I suppose 3, 70cl vodka bottle a week (could be more sometimes) and Guinness (special brew is not an option I cannot tolerate, the smell of the cans when open will make me gag). I know where it came frommy previous marriage. All the best to you. Did something happen? That doesnt works any more. Im so weird! WebOne possibility for why this happens could be that those with very sensitive nipples find the sudden release of endorphins from having their nipples touched may in turn cause Thank you for sharing your stories. For my own part I try to hardest not to show any resentment because of this, but I know that I fail. I also love him and would never leave him.. but Im just not feeling the sexual desire for him anymore. A strong feeling of disgust came over me and it just stuck with me after that. Find a good church to support you and make sure they are a solid by the book church like Calvary Chapel so you get the truth and not some weird cult. We just process things differently and this is step one to figuring out this side of us. What youre describing is asexuality . I am repulsed. It doesnt help that my husband of 13 years doesnt show affection til he wants to play. Again Im sorry for my disrespectfull tone in my previous post. i am telling you like it is. I hope things look up for you! Plus, even when I am alone, i come across looking at/reading sexual things in my line of workand not ANY of it NONE of it is a turn-on to me. Were looking for help. Many of the people in these comments mention how they grew into the aversion. Although, I must say that he has to have sex every other day. I had absolutely no sex education whatsoever, and my Mother constantly derided, and tried to make me feel ashamed of myself for showing even a vague interest in girls/women. Assert your control over the situation by setting boundaries and ground rules. And she stated that this will never change. I have suffered from situational intimacy anxiety since I started having sex as a teen. Some days Im not bothered, some days Im horny, but most days, the mere suggestion of something sexual or even an innuendo causes me great distress. We naturally feel disgusted it was the refit after that that my husband was diagnosed. Gets challenging when love rants over the problem. I dont know if I need to overcome this because I am perfectly happy being single. Take it slowly and dont expect results to come all at once. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. i know it is if I keep to myself. I am not married with my boyfriend, we live together and I do not remember when was the last time we were intimate. I have severe erectile dysfunction issues when Im with a partner. Its so intense that I feel like I cant breathe. I am so lost. So we are trying, but the same problem still keeps us in separate rooms, with any thought of physical contact still repulsive to her. I didnt neccisarily enjoy the actual act. It makes me sick to my stomach to even just think about it. I never thought it was great, and neither did she. To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. Those words sound like the preverbal message that I feel, might just be a contributing factor in some aversions: Men have sexual NEEDS. I would allow a sex life, be a willing travel companion and let him decide what he would do with his High seniority as he wanted without a word. Do you find sexual touch or even romantic touch, such as hugging or kissing your partner, unappealing or even repulsive? I only had sex because thats what youre supposed to do. So The first day my husbands mother had to stop him from chasing his father down and hurting him for setting up the apointment with HR to reinstate without his say so She thought they would wait two weeks to Reinstate him but they put him on seconds that day for a 12 hour shift, He was again met by the same note as the day before to take the sofa and leave me alone. Nothing. I always loved and worshipped my wife, then I learned affairs can happen from the self, meaning a broken moral compass, very low self esteem, hitting rock bottom, etc. Being averse to hugs can also result from trauma, experts believe. but in my case i hate it. I deeply apologize for that. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. When we got divorced, I felt relieved and happy at the thought that no man would ever touch me again. I try to start on the steps to get better however I have been going through this with my husband and I have tried to set boundaries as one of the steps indicate what do I do if my husband doesnt respect the boundaries I set and makes me feel that I have no choice and make him happy but giving into him and having sex with him or telling him that there are curtain kinds of sexual acts that I do not like and will never do he still asks for them. A frequent criteria for defining a disorder is that it causes impaired function or distress. That is entirely consistent with someone having sexual aversion issues that arent perhaps the most extreme they could be. Now I realize that all those years of doing just that may have been exactly what landed us in the mess we are in now. He is still very attracted to me and tries to have sex with me regularly. Men Use Women?? Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate. I just wish I could understand. Two weeks latter it was my time to pay for the broken promises of 31 years When he took me to the floor and had his way as I begged couldnt we try and work things out over time. I was offering to keep any one from being hurt when he took that position, Mainly him and me. It makes me sad because I used to be the one chasing him around. Not everyone desires sex. single men sleep with everyone. Cathy, Perhaps sex for reasons other than respect and love, is actually repulsive. My aversion is because my husband is a liar who supports politicians that strip people like me of our rights. I want to enjoy it. I hope I can figure something out. I dont know how to fix my issue, its confusing. Ill go over to the Asexual-forum , feel free to take a look at it whenerver you like. He made it work without cheating and without pushing me because thats not how relationships work. I will be praying for you. I have become very unstable. My prayers to you both. Most importantly, all of these reactions are normal responses to the traumatic event you have experienced. I know very clearly where mine has come from & have not seen any similar comments herehis 13 year porn addiction that he hid from me, lied about & even went as low as to blame me for having an overactive imagination & watching too many soap operas. Sadly years of going to different therapists hasnt helped us. But I am slowly accepting that I cant change the past but I can allow healthy and sane people in my life on a daily basis. Its been 36 years now trying to get compromises to let him have what he wanted and let the community have their needs met. If you listen to the commenters here, you will see that most of them dont have a revulsion to their partner. Tracey, I feel the exact same way. His last words as he walked to the cab were well I guess you get an entire month off . No one is perfect. He cares more for me than anyone I have known but for me alcohol, regular drinking is like a wall. So we are free agents with clear economic boundaries too and no children (both our children are grown up and with other partners). yes, it bothered me that much. I sincerely hope so. I was not interested. Thank you for posting JO.. Life in my earlier years was passionate and active in the sex world. She began to realize, over the years that weve been together, there were several instances where we had sex, immediately after heavy and unfinished arguments. When my husband touches me I feel like I need to gasp for air. I just tell him that I love him and want to be with him, but that Im just not feeling any sexual desires. We dont argue. If the lack of sex is an issue talk to your wife if you cant find a solution get a divorce unless shes OK with you cheating on her. Its your home!!!! And repulsion is the perfect word. It could be attributing your own childrens transgressions with sex- it could even be a subway sandwich! His last patrol was waivered to get him to go on it, but I had no idea at that time why we were notified he was ok after we had not heard directly from him in nearly three years except for trying to talk him into reenlisting seven months before over a Thanksgiving meal on his boat before he was flown to another boat on the west coast leaving on patrol, another time to replace a drug bust. That she could talk to her doctor about it, or that we could go to couples therapy or sex therapy. Its just too much for me, and if I suggest every third day, he tries to make me feel guilty. I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. My life long intimacy anxiety causes me to prefer sex with strangers. Weve had quite a few REALLY rough patches in the distant past, and more recent past. I dont know what your relationship is like, but I think your husband needs you to say to him directly that you need more affection that you cant go from 0-100 like he can. Now I make far better, and far, far healthier, decisions. I love my partner but hate my situation and often feel tortured by the whole thing. She had a big belly hanging out of her crop top, with stretch marks and all., but the way she carried herself.. she walked confident and talked confident.. i had no clue i even had this because he was my first serious relationship and we love each other a lot, everythings perfect, i just freak out and grow so agitated about sex. I do not know what to do. I can relate to much of the article. You seem like an amazing man and your wife is very lucky to have you by her side. But one more thing..the not in love statementsat the beginning of a relationship its easy to feel all giddy and in loveafter time like a few years things settle down and you trade giddy in love feelings for steadfast solid true love. The final straw was when he was awakened at 6am on a Monday morning not to see his rack again until after his collapse at 1500 Saturday evening. Youve NOT READ what I said! I had been independent through my life as I raised my children on my own before I decided dating was a possibility. She still has urges, but the thought of engaging disgust her. It feels intensely intimate, flooding them with overwhelming feelings. quick or sudden changes in your mood. At first, he saidhe didnt tell me to do that but we hadnt had any kind of sexual intimacy even at that point for a long time. My husband had his father trapped one handed against the ceiling telling him if i was not standing beside him in two minutes he was going to use his dead body as a wreaking bar to tear bulkheads out until i appeared, I had to tell him to drop his father and i would go home hiuunting with him. In part of my trying to reprogram my thoughts, I am going to decline my first instinct of denigrating men and relationships and instead say: I guess crazier things have happened I guess if GOD intervened and the man made the earth move.