Ioanna Zafeiriou Trouble is, most of them suck. ~ (George Carlin). 86. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, Best Anti-Gun Jokes and One-Liners About Gun Control, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician. artists, quotes by a single personality. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. Teach them to question what they read. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. Laugh often, long and loud. Garbage out. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. ~ (George Carlin). Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate. We think in words. - Susan Polis Schutz -- "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives dont care The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. Last Updated: 29th April, 2023 14:09 IST International Dance Day 2023: WhatsApp Messages, Wishes, Greetings, Quotes To Share Celebrate International Dance Day 2023 on April 29 by sending WhatsApp messages, wishes, greetings and quotes to those whose passion is dancing. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Thats the problem. 59. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. His comedy and social critique will live on through the ages. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). Cant lie around thats their job! Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. ", "Conservatives don't give a shit about you until you reach military age. No, you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). Feel free to indulge in the philosophy and comedy of George Carlin, expect to be offended at least part of the time. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ~ (George Carlin). Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. And the main reason women are crazy is that 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels George Carlin:::Political quotes Laugh until you gasp for breath. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Some people see things that are, and ask, why? George Carlin 101. An outsider: someone not part of the group. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Web"The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept" - George Carlin Vote 3 comments Add a Comment Slartibartfast39 2 hr. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. 40. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. March 24, 2023. When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. ~ (George Carlin). It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin didnt hesitate to criticize presidents by name Bill Clinton and George W. Bush among them but, more often, he spoke in broader terms and If at first you dont succeed, redefine success. ~ (George Carlin). Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ", "I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. He is mostly non-political except for his involvement with the environmental organization, Greenpeace. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. People like to twist that around. Be happy with what youve got. People are dreaming if they think they have rights. George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. I just dont have as many people who believe it. ~ (George Carlin). Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. 5. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. What if there were no hypothetical questions? ~ (George Carlin). Right in the fucking head. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 58. I had an imaginary friend I didnt bother with him. ~ (George Carlin). In America, anyone can become president. by Libertarian Country Because he likes our National Anthem? If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. WebAmerican stand-up comedian George Carlin is notable for his long-standing popularity from the early 60s up until his death in 2008. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. The people are fucked. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. ~ (George Carlin). How are YOU going to tackle today? ~ (George Carlin). Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. But once you're born, you're on your own. In America, anyone can become president. 122. People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? We haven't tried that for a while. Women are crazy. Everyone smiles in the same But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. 121. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME. No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Two reasons. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. Others see it half empty. Swimming is not a sport. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The poor are therejust to scare the shit out of the middle class. It will not be with jack-boots. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. ~ (George Carlin). You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. ~ (George Carlin). It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ (George Carlin). All rights reserved. George Carlin 11. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. So, have a little fun. [3], Carlin was equally hard on politics as he was on religion. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. 47. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. ~ (George Carlin). Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Because if its really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. ~ (George Carlin). Its interested in its own power. 100. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. And I didnt really care in the first place. ~ (George Carlin). Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~ (George Carlin). I have as much authority as the Pope. Ironic that political wings have come to fight over claiming Carlins humor for their own affiliations when his comedy career was a controversial compilation of his own bold assessments and ruthless truths that could offend anyone and everyone on a given topic with neither prejudice nor remorse. The legendary George Carlin reminded us to think deeply but to make sure we take time to laugh and never take ourselves too seriously. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., "Life is not that complicated. But wheres the logic in that? 90. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Language is the landscape of thought. ~ (George Carlin). FUCK THEM. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer., "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. Stop to think who it is we kill? Some people see the glass half full. ", "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Unfortunately, many progressives and today's so-called "social justice warriors" have reduced Carlin to an "antiquated, patriarchal white male oppressor. 49. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. ago We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. ~ (George Carlin). Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. ~ (George Carlin). If someone understands, good. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' Carlin left a wealth of social, political, and religious commentaryand most of it was highly critical. I think that speaks for itself. Current quotes, historic quotes, movie quotes, song lyric quotes, game quotes George Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Being Irish isn't a skillit's a fucking genetic accident. Nothing changed. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. 13. Rough, tough, and hard to bluff." 81. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? 57. George Carlin Quotes Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. George Carlin on the Church I have as much authority as the Pope. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent people, and they get into office and screw everything up, well you are responsible for what they have done, YOU caused the problem, you voted them in, you have no right to complain. ", "Have you ever wondered whyRepublicansare so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. ~ (George Carlin). Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. They don't like women. They should be giving their money to you. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. WebThis is the best we can do folks. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Nobody owns anything. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels by Libertarian Country. Fuck em. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. In this George Carlin quote, Carlin was talking about the saying there is no I in team. 77. 14. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade This is the best we can do folks. Theres a humorous side to every situation. An early crusader against academic fascism, George Carlin fought political correctness long before it took root, foreseeing its regressive tendencies and propensity to become neo-puritanism.For decades, progressives and liberals resonated with Carlin--they were his base. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. If you love someone, set them free. 76. Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. everybody complains about politicians. ", "Here's all you need to know about men and women. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Fascism won it. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Why would God have a favorite country? A few laughs with George Carlin. George Carlin had a lot to say, and we were always ready to listen. They own you. Theres a humorous side to every situation. 66. Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). Everybody says they suck. 79. 54. Carlin was not unique in that he saw through the thick layers of societal propaganda and rhetoric that are the source of many of the worlds problemsand let it be known that, despite his liberal stance on most social issues, he would point out their hypocrisies as wellbut he was well-respected and well-spoken enough to have left an impression on American thinking and history. 61. I on the other hand, who did not vote, WHO DID NOT VOTE. We invite you and ask you to help us update this wiki by editing it. 123. On the face of it, one could say that he was an exceptional sociocultural critic who left a lasting mark in modern society through his witty reflections and incredibly entertaining sharp statements. They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~ (George Carlin). That in of itself should make you think.Carlin performed many standup comedy routines and HBO specials, acted in dozens of television and movie productions, recorded spoken-word albums, and was the author of several books, with titles like Brain Droppings (97) and Napalm and Silly Putty (01).What I loved about Carlin was his dedication to freethinking and independent thought. Many libertarians--such as us--praise Carlin for his intelligent social criticisms and contributions to a countercultural ethos that perpetually challenges political orthodoxy. This is the best we can do folks. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. Who in fact did not even leave the house on election-day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done, and have every RIGHT to complain as loud as I want, about the mess YOU created, that I had nothing to do with. Here is a selection of Carlins quotes that criticize the political system of our days. 41. However, most of his bile was reserved for conservatives and Republicans. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. 82. ", "Selling is legal. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? I dont vote. A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. In Carlin's day, the troglodyte hardline evangelic conservative always tried to rule society's language and morality with an iron fist. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? For Exclusive Deals, New Product Alerts, Free Articles, Libertarian News & More! 68. Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did. ~ (George Carlin). Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. If you think too much, they'll take you away. George Carlin, in full George Denis Patrick Carlin, (born May 12, 1937, New York, N.Y., U.S.died June 22, 2008, Santa Monica, Calif.), American comedian whose Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television routine led to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that gave the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) the right to determine when to Lean and mean! When you die, it all stays here. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~ (George Carlin). The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. ~ (George Carlin). Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The challenge is to find it. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.